A few months ago I wrote a story called “A Grandmother’s Journey” focusing on one of our more rare cases that was heading toward adoption for all the right reasons.
The Grandmother, Mary we called her, had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and the future of her 5 year old granddaughter whom she had guardianship of, hung in the balance.
The 5 year old—Anna we called her—had one of those mother’s you can’t understand. She had already lost a number of children to foster care. She had no place to call home, no stability to raise a child in, and hardly any relationship with her daughter at all.
Mary had been one of my first cases when I began working in Madison County, a little over a year ago. Safe Families had been providing this Grandma with weekend respite, since she had terminal cancer and all. We soon realized that Mary had no plan for Anna after she died, and she feared the likelihood that Anna would fall back into the hands of her mother when she passed.
Our families are not usually pre-adoptive families. But sometimes, as God would have it, things change based on circumstances. I love it when I get to witness a match between a bio family and a host family that only Heaven could make. The Brown’s and Anna were one such match. The Brown family expressed interest in adopting little Anna after they realized what she was facing and stepped forward to answer this mighty call, feeling that this little girl had not fallen in their families’ path by mistake.
You must know—the Brown’s are one of those families that have a heart both for the child and the parent… or in this case the grandparent. And so, one day we sat around a big table in our Safe Families office and discussed the future of this placement: If the Brown’s were going to adopt Anna how long would Anna stay with Mary while she tried to manage daily life on top of a terminal illness?
Heidi, the pre-adoptive mother, told Mary with such heartfelt emotion, “Mary, we don’t just want to adopt Anna. Anna needs you too. And we want you too Mary,” tears were now welling up in my eyes and Heidi’s too. “We want you to move closer to us. There are small apartments two blocks away. We could bring you and Anna to us, and she could spend as much time with you as possible.”
There was silence for a few moments and then, Mary replies, “Well, I’ve always said I need to get out of Anderson…”
That was enough. We decided to continue the conversation later and keep the weekend placements going until Anna finished school.
Last Saturday was the big move. The Brown’s and their incredible church family came to load up 3 trucks and move Mary and Anna an hour and a half away, where they both will live until Mary exists the earth.
For Anna, her 5 years on this earth have been uncertain and unpredictable. Now she finally has a place to process her young emotions, and a family that will give her her beloved Grandma until she is gone, and then will take her into their arms as their own, forever.
This is one miracle that is happening in Madison County! The miracles that God brings together never cease to amaze me. These relationships that God initiates are rarely free of difficulty or strife, but they are always overshadowed by the love and grace of God.
We hope to be able to continue to facilitate the stories that God places in our hands here in Madison County. Fundraising is a huge effort for us right now! SFFC Madison County has been operating off of seed money from our Central Indiana extension, but we are down to nickels and dimes! Safe Families has a growing presence in Madison County and we are putting forth major efforts at making this a sustainable program for years to come by recruiting and training competent volunteers and fundraising.
Friday, July 4, 2014
Monday, June 30, 2014
Summer Fun Fest 2014 - Huge Success
Big Huge Gigantic Thank You to ALL of the sponsors, volunteers, donors and contributors that joined us to make this event a big success! We raised $2,000 for Safe Families of Madison County, have a new partnership with the Madison County YMCA's and have our very own video from Madison County families. Great day for Safe Families, thank you for the support! We look forward to next year's event already!
Monday, June 2, 2014
Summer Fun Fest 2014
We are VERY excited to announce our upcoming event for Safe Families for Children in Madison County! Mark your calendar for June 28 to meet us at the Anderson Town Center Plaza for four hours of family fun, games, food and a concert! Join our Facebook event page to let us know you are coming, and don’t forget we need your help to promote! Bring your family, friends, church and community to enjoy Family Zumba offered by the Anderson YMCA, games, prizes, food by Greeks Pizza and a silent auction! Big thank you to our local band bleedingkeys and Klipsch for being a part of this event and providing some incredible items for our auction!
We have been busy the past year, facilitating over 65 placements since our inception in Madison County in March of 2013. God has given us incredible host families that have accomplished mighty things for families in crisis across our county. We have served a father of 3 young children who desperately wanted to seek treatment for substance abuse and was only able to do this through the unwavering support of 2 loving host families. We have helped a young mom who had bounced around with roommates and been homeless multiple times in the past year and just 2 weeks ago was able to move into her into her new home that is walking distance to her boys’ daycare. Better yet–her host family has been brave enough to love her like Jesus and they now have an eternal bond. We have been able to facilitate finding a forever family for a 5 year old girl who lives full time with her Grandma who has terminal cancer. This incredible host-family-turned-adoptive-family will be moving both the 5 year old and the Grandmother to a location close by their own home, so Grandmother and granddaughter can spend as much time together as possible before she passes.
More stories are yet to be told in Madison County! God is at work within our families, and we are trusting Him with our finances too. Our event will meet the dual purpose of increasing awareness of Safe Families in our community and also will help us raise funds! We have a fundraising goal of $5,000 for this event! Please join us on June 28th!
Monday, March 3, 2014
Greek's Pizza Fundraiser
Join Safe Families for Children/Madison County on Sunday, March 30th at Greek's Pizzeria in Anderson for our Greek's Pizza Fundraiser! Greek’s will graciously donate 20% off all dine-in and carry out sales if you mention Safe Families when ordering! Offer is good from open until close on Sunday, March 30. Also, join us from 5:30-7:30 for an in-house concert at Greek’s while you eat! Derek Bishop and Sam Young will provide the music, so bring your friends and family and help support Safe Families!
Two Worlds Collide
Today was just like any other day. I take myself from the land of the easy-living into the land of the struggling-to-survive.
I sat in my car arranging and warming myself before taking off for another day of visiting with children, parents, and their ‘safe families.’ I paused as I watched a somewhat large SUV pull up in front on my neighbor’s house. A mother probably about my age hopped out of the vehicle and gently pulled her young son out of the back, carefully holding his hand as they walked over the ice. Their world seemed so together and appropriate. The way it should be.
This woman could have been me any day. I love my kids and I don’t want them to fall on the ice either.
I finish situating myself and start my drive. I text the young Mom I’m meeting, because I’ll be late again. I try to play music from my iPod, but, in the process, I accidentally find K-Love. A song is playing, “Give me your eyes for just one second. Give me your eyes so I can see. Everything that I keep missing, give me your love for humanity. Give me your arms for the broken-hearted. Those that are far beyond my reach. Give me your heart for the one’s forgotten, Give me your eyes so I can see.”
It makes me tear up as I’m trying to finish up my mascara before pulling into the young mom’s drive way. I’m not sure where the tears are coming from. Maybe because I know so many of us live in the land of safety and security, never realizing the world of struggle happening right down the street.
Or maybe that’s not really it.
Maybe the picture of the mom holding her son’s hand as they walked carefully over the ice sat in stark contrast to the mom I was about to pick up. She, too, held her son’s hand as he trudged through the snow. One mom walks to her friend’s house, warm and full of life, for a play date perhaps. Another mom walks out of her unheated house and puts her two-year-old in the back of my car with a heavy heart. We’re going to meet the family that will keep her son for a month while she job hunts and tries to find daycare for her boys.
I ask about her family. They don’t help her. They won’t babysit for her boys. The dad is out of the picture. She can’t work without daycare and won’t put her boys in the hands of people she doesn’t trust.
It’s one of those stories of someone struggling to survive. And It’s a sad one. She has no one.
Sometimes, just sometimes, with Safe Families, they get someone. God sees their struggle, and I marvel at the perfectly-equipped host homes He delivers at just the right time.
On this particular day, we drove to what I like to call a “meet and greet.” It’s where our host families have a chance to meet our biological families before placement begins. The host family for this mom’s son is a sweet retired couple who buy her pizza and make eyes at her son. They ask her about her interests, goals, and ambitions. By the end of the sitting, smiles are happening from all around the table and her little boy wants to see them again soon!
Often times I describe Safe Families as less of a program and more of a movement. A movement that restores the Church to caring for the fatherless, defending the widows, and coming alongside other people in love.
Maybe the song on K-Love made me tear up that morning, because sometimes I get this odd sensation that I get to see things from a certain vantage point that others don’t. I feel like maybe I’m supposed to share their stories, so we can all get to know each other a little better. We may seem worlds apart, but we are still neighbors.
Daily, these worlds collide and run straight into mine. I feel fortunate to give others the opportunity to see what I see.
I sat in my car arranging and warming myself before taking off for another day of visiting with children, parents, and their ‘safe families.’ I paused as I watched a somewhat large SUV pull up in front on my neighbor’s house. A mother probably about my age hopped out of the vehicle and gently pulled her young son out of the back, carefully holding his hand as they walked over the ice. Their world seemed so together and appropriate. The way it should be.
This woman could have been me any day. I love my kids and I don’t want them to fall on the ice either.
I finish situating myself and start my drive. I text the young Mom I’m meeting, because I’ll be late again. I try to play music from my iPod, but, in the process, I accidentally find K-Love. A song is playing, “Give me your eyes for just one second. Give me your eyes so I can see. Everything that I keep missing, give me your love for humanity. Give me your arms for the broken-hearted. Those that are far beyond my reach. Give me your heart for the one’s forgotten, Give me your eyes so I can see.”
It makes me tear up as I’m trying to finish up my mascara before pulling into the young mom’s drive way. I’m not sure where the tears are coming from. Maybe because I know so many of us live in the land of safety and security, never realizing the world of struggle happening right down the street.
Or maybe that’s not really it.
Maybe the picture of the mom holding her son’s hand as they walked carefully over the ice sat in stark contrast to the mom I was about to pick up. She, too, held her son’s hand as he trudged through the snow. One mom walks to her friend’s house, warm and full of life, for a play date perhaps. Another mom walks out of her unheated house and puts her two-year-old in the back of my car with a heavy heart. We’re going to meet the family that will keep her son for a month while she job hunts and tries to find daycare for her boys.
I ask about her family. They don’t help her. They won’t babysit for her boys. The dad is out of the picture. She can’t work without daycare and won’t put her boys in the hands of people she doesn’t trust.
It’s one of those stories of someone struggling to survive. And It’s a sad one. She has no one.
Sometimes, just sometimes, with Safe Families, they get someone. God sees their struggle, and I marvel at the perfectly-equipped host homes He delivers at just the right time.
On this particular day, we drove to what I like to call a “meet and greet.” It’s where our host families have a chance to meet our biological families before placement begins. The host family for this mom’s son is a sweet retired couple who buy her pizza and make eyes at her son. They ask her about her interests, goals, and ambitions. By the end of the sitting, smiles are happening from all around the table and her little boy wants to see them again soon!
Often times I describe Safe Families as less of a program and more of a movement. A movement that restores the Church to caring for the fatherless, defending the widows, and coming alongside other people in love.
Maybe the song on K-Love made me tear up that morning, because sometimes I get this odd sensation that I get to see things from a certain vantage point that others don’t. I feel like maybe I’m supposed to share their stories, so we can all get to know each other a little better. We may seem worlds apart, but we are still neighbors.
Daily, these worlds collide and run straight into mine. I feel fortunate to give others the opportunity to see what I see.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Holiday Greetings for Safe Families
In honor of Nicole Sellers, we are hosting an event to build support for Safe Families for Children/Madison County. This will be an opportunity for those looking to serve the Safe Families movement to discover their area of calling. We will have coffee, dessert and music as we hear personal testimonies about the difference Safe Families has made in the lives of families in Madison County. There will be multiple ways to get involved, including "adopting" a child and/or parent for holiday's and birthday's, supporting a local host family with respite care, volunteering with clothing and furniture donations, volunteering as a mentor or support person, or even volunteering to help with transportation! Join us to hear more about this Kingdom movement and how you might be called to help stand in the gap for these children and families in crisis.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
A Grandmother's Journey . . . Part I
I’m a parent of an extremely small and strong-willed 8-year-old daughter, and an equally small and very high-energy son. I work for a non-profit called Safe Families for Children and homeschool my kids three days a week. I have this theory that educating my kids at home will give them a larger dose of life that they can feel, touch, taste and smell. I want them to be raised with the awareness that we are always learning and exploring life, and that God is in so much more than Sunday mornings.
Some days my theory holds up and other days we struggle and I contemplate our choices; and still other days we grab our books, get in the car and my kids go to work with me.
Last Friday my 2 kids and I drove to Anderson to pick up Mary and her 5-year-old granddaughter, Anna. We have been giving Mary weekend respite placements with Safe Families because Mary is not only an exhausted Grandma with custody of her granddaughter, she also has terminal cancer. A few months ago, Mary shared that she had no options for Anna after she passed. Anna’s mother was incapable of caring for her because of a drug problem and Mary would need to find a family to adopt her granddaughter. On this day, it was time for Mary to meet the family that would, God-willing, be Anna’s forever-family. We picked up Mary and Anna at the tiny apartment in Anderson they call home. Anna squeezed in the back of my small car and Mary attempted to make herself comfortable in my passenger seat.
We sat with a bit of awkwardness for a while.
“Are you hot? How about some air…”
“Yes I am hot. I wasn’t gonna say nothing but, shew!”
I laugh to myself. I love Mary and her straightforwardness.
The visit between Mary and Anna’s Safe Family went extremely well. The kids entertained themselves and as I watched, I prayed again that all of the pieces would fall together to allow this miracle for this child to take place.
We leave Anna for the weekend with her Safe Family. She cheerfully waves goodbye to her Grandma and skips away.
My kids, Mary, and myself re-enter the Jetta for the drive home. Again I make small talk and Mary nods off in between sentences. She wakes herself either when she starts to cough or feels the tap of the breaks. Part of her cancer is obstructing her esophagus and excessive coughing cannot be helped. She probably feels slightly embarrassed and my heart goes out to her.
My inquisitive daughter doesn’t notice her exhaustion and jumps right in with her questions, and I let her.
“Mom? Why is Anna getting adopted?”
I asked Mary’s permission to tell her the truth and she consents.
“Because,” I felt needles on my skin. “Mary has cancer and she won’t live long enough to raise Anna.”
“How does she know she has cancer?”
“Because the doctor told her she did.”
“But how does he know? Doctor’s don’t know everything. Maybe he just thinks she has cancer but she doesn’t.”
Mary snickers and shakes her head. My daughter continues.
“Does Anna know that Mary has cancer?”
Mary replies an emphatic, “Yes.”
Long pause.
I ask Mary about Anna’s mom. She is an addict and has put herself on life support more than once by overdosing.
Mary replies, “Yeah… she comes around and ‘plays’ mother with Anna every now and then. She says, ‘Hi baby, Bye baby’ and waltzes out the door again.”
My daughter pipes up again.
“Mom? Why won’t Anna’s mom be her mom?” She is unable to fathom a mother who doesn’t want her child.
“Because… she has different priorities in life. Unfortunately she’s putting something in front of being a mom to Anna and, because of that, she’ll probably never be able to really be her mom.”
“What is it?”
“We’ll talk about that later.”
We drop Mary off at her apartment. I tell her goodbye. I want to give her a hug but I feel that she feels I am too young and innocent to hug her. I want to tell her I’m not. I also want to take her to church on Sunday, and my son had the idea of taking her flowers and making her a picture.
My daughter’s mind is not settled and on the way home she asks, “Why do you think Anna is happy? Why does she just run and play like nothing’s wrong?”
“Well, because she doesn’t realize entirely all the sadness around her yet. She will start to when her Grandma dies. But right now it’s just her life. We can be happy, though, that there is a family that wants to keep her as a part of their forever-family. So we can pray that they get to adopt her and keep her forever.”
“Why don’t they just take her now?”
“Because her mom has to terminate her rights first. She has to put her name on a piece of paper that says she’s not going to be Anna’s mom ever again.”
“Oh. Well, I hope she does that.”
“Me too. It’s definitely something to pray for.”
We get home, walk in the house, and the kids turn on the umpteenth episode of Little House on the Prairie, and I have a feeling we have all learned something today and maybe it’s ok that we didn’t finish all of our schoolwork.
Some days my theory holds up and other days we struggle and I contemplate our choices; and still other days we grab our books, get in the car and my kids go to work with me.
Last Friday my 2 kids and I drove to Anderson to pick up Mary and her 5-year-old granddaughter, Anna. We have been giving Mary weekend respite placements with Safe Families because Mary is not only an exhausted Grandma with custody of her granddaughter, she also has terminal cancer. A few months ago, Mary shared that she had no options for Anna after she passed. Anna’s mother was incapable of caring for her because of a drug problem and Mary would need to find a family to adopt her granddaughter. On this day, it was time for Mary to meet the family that would, God-willing, be Anna’s forever-family. We picked up Mary and Anna at the tiny apartment in Anderson they call home. Anna squeezed in the back of my small car and Mary attempted to make herself comfortable in my passenger seat.
We sat with a bit of awkwardness for a while.
“Are you hot? How about some air…”
“Yes I am hot. I wasn’t gonna say nothing but, shew!”
I laugh to myself. I love Mary and her straightforwardness.
The visit between Mary and Anna’s Safe Family went extremely well. The kids entertained themselves and as I watched, I prayed again that all of the pieces would fall together to allow this miracle for this child to take place.
We leave Anna for the weekend with her Safe Family. She cheerfully waves goodbye to her Grandma and skips away.
My kids, Mary, and myself re-enter the Jetta for the drive home. Again I make small talk and Mary nods off in between sentences. She wakes herself either when she starts to cough or feels the tap of the breaks. Part of her cancer is obstructing her esophagus and excessive coughing cannot be helped. She probably feels slightly embarrassed and my heart goes out to her.
My inquisitive daughter doesn’t notice her exhaustion and jumps right in with her questions, and I let her.
“Mom? Why is Anna getting adopted?”
I asked Mary’s permission to tell her the truth and she consents.
“Because,” I felt needles on my skin. “Mary has cancer and she won’t live long enough to raise Anna.”
“How does she know she has cancer?”
“Because the doctor told her she did.”
“But how does he know? Doctor’s don’t know everything. Maybe he just thinks she has cancer but she doesn’t.”
Mary snickers and shakes her head. My daughter continues.
“Does Anna know that Mary has cancer?”
Mary replies an emphatic, “Yes.”
Long pause.
I ask Mary about Anna’s mom. She is an addict and has put herself on life support more than once by overdosing.
Mary replies, “Yeah… she comes around and ‘plays’ mother with Anna every now and then. She says, ‘Hi baby, Bye baby’ and waltzes out the door again.”
My daughter pipes up again.
“Mom? Why won’t Anna’s mom be her mom?” She is unable to fathom a mother who doesn’t want her child.
“Because… she has different priorities in life. Unfortunately she’s putting something in front of being a mom to Anna and, because of that, she’ll probably never be able to really be her mom.”
“What is it?”
“We’ll talk about that later.”
We drop Mary off at her apartment. I tell her goodbye. I want to give her a hug but I feel that she feels I am too young and innocent to hug her. I want to tell her I’m not. I also want to take her to church on Sunday, and my son had the idea of taking her flowers and making her a picture.
My daughter’s mind is not settled and on the way home she asks, “Why do you think Anna is happy? Why does she just run and play like nothing’s wrong?”
“Well, because she doesn’t realize entirely all the sadness around her yet. She will start to when her Grandma dies. But right now it’s just her life. We can be happy, though, that there is a family that wants to keep her as a part of their forever-family. So we can pray that they get to adopt her and keep her forever.”
“Why don’t they just take her now?”
“Because her mom has to terminate her rights first. She has to put her name on a piece of paper that says she’s not going to be Anna’s mom ever again.”
“Oh. Well, I hope she does that.”
“Me too. It’s definitely something to pray for.”
We get home, walk in the house, and the kids turn on the umpteenth episode of Little House on the Prairie, and I have a feeling we have all learned something today and maybe it’s ok that we didn’t finish all of our schoolwork.
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