A New Definition of Fair

“What I would like to discuss is the is the topic of co-parenting between bio families and host families.”  Kristin Stayer shared her growing relationship with the father whose children her family served.  Safe Families provides a unique scenario where a 'bio family' or placing parent can choose to move toward the host family for support and gentle guidance when it comes to parenting.  Kristin and Eric modeled this idea extremely well when their four month placement was closing in and the boys were preparing to move home. 

“I don’t know how to do bath time and sticker charts and all that…” the father of the 3 boys confessed to the host family after the boys had gone home with Dad for the weekend and returned in the same clothes as when they left.  

Kristin Stayer

Kristin and Eric saw this as an opportunity God was giving them, and asked the father if he would like some help with tackling bedtime at home!  He quickly agreed and the three of them set up a time for Kristin and Eric to come to his home and they ALL would do bedtime together.

“At first the boys didn’t like us being there” Kristin confessed, “because they wanted to misbehave!”  The boys' dad explained to his two rowdy little boys that he and Kristin and Eric were all on the same team and they would all be in charge!  This type of support from the placing parent is not uncommon.  Our families are usually very grateful for the guidance and advice given to them by host family.

Such efforts at merging world’s with a placing parent is not uncommon among our incredible host families in Madison County.  Other host families have attended births when no one else would come, have donated furniture and household items for placing parents, have taken a single Mom job hunting and have thrown birthday parties when it seemed like no one else was going to.  

Sometimes we have families who are particularly gifted with hosting children who are more challenging.  The Lephart's are one such family.  They have chosen to be available for hosting difficult children as their primary focus, therefore their efforts with the bio parents are less of a focus.    Heather and her husband Noel have been given some challenging placements, and they have established a “way” with these kids that balances love and boundaries.  

Heather shared from her vantage point as an MSW who and has worked with at-risk youth and currently is a Certified Christian Life Coach at Ovid Community Church.  

Heather Lephart

“The first night of our family dinner," Heather explained, "Shaun wondered away from the table and into the other room during our time of sharing 'high’s and low’s'.  The second night he stood in the room next to us and just watched but didn't say a word.  The third night his sister joined us at our home as well, and he couldn’t wait to sit down at the table and tell her all about 'high’s and low’s!'"

Heather was able to help our host families understand that the kids who are placed in a new home are temporarily 'lost' and looking for some security and control.  Wandering away from the dinner table wasn't seen as a threat to her and Noel's family structure, but rather an opportunity to give a child (who likely has never been a part of a family dinner) time to observe before taking part.  Heather has shared with her own kids a new definition of the word 'fair':  

"Fair is making sure that each person gets what they need, not that each person gets the same thing."  

This motto captures the essence of why we do what we do.  We serve these families because of God’s kindness to us.  We give to others out of the gifts we have been given, and we give with an open hand.  

Thank you to Heather Lephart and Kristin Stayer for sharing your stories with us!  The Stayer's journey entitled 'A Host Family Perspective' is available for viewing under our Video's tab.    We look forward to doing it again on September 28, 2014 from 1-2:30 at Park Place Community Center!  Please join us if you are a current host family, a prospective host family, or looking to further engage your church.  Email ejohnson@safefamilies.net for info or questions.  

Our Host Family Forum 9-15-14