#WhyWeHost Reason #1: Because They Need Us More Than We Need Them

For each family that steps forward and says, "I want to do that.  What does it take to be a host family?"  There is usually a reason why.  The families that step up to serve others in this radical way, do what they do because God has broken their hearts.  We will be highlighting these 'reasons why' in the coming weeks.  My families' reason found us over two years ago, and since then we have allowed our home to be an open door to kids in need.  But sometimes hosting is hard.  

I read a story on a blog recently entitled, "The Child I Didn't Adopt".  It was about a boy who was a forgotten child of the foster care system.  It hit me in a spot where I can feel God trying to grow me.  It gave me compassion for those children that are particularly hard to love.

The little boy in the story mentioned above, Stephen was his name, resonated with me.  I have seen kids like him before -- they cry out for attention by being disrutptive to teachers and classmates, or maybe they throw a fit when things don't go their way.  Maybe Stephen was overly hyper, unsettled, angry and difficult.  

I resonated with his foster families too--maybe they were at a loss.  Maybe nothing was working.  Maybe they just didn't feel like he was theirs to keep.

I blubbered over this blog post because one like him was living in my home at the time.  Two weeks had come and gone with no other prospective host family, and it was becoming obvious that this child would be staying with us.  His unstable past had shown itself in all its colors.  Indignant anger lived right below his skin, and he would yell at us for the smallest of disturbances.  Tantrums in public and referral's from school were consistent--though improving.  He cried out for attention by being disruptive to his teachers and classmates.  He threw a fit when he didn't get his way.  He was overly hyper, unsettled, angry and difficult. And at the end of the day, he would pray for God to take all of his bad dreams away.

It's a stretch to love these lost boys.  All four members of my family were feeling the stretch that occurs when hosting a child whom you cannot call a blessing, while extending love and grace to his mother, whom you cannot call thankful.

Safe Families is unique in that the host family is able to build a relationship with the parent.  I was determined to build a relationship with his mother.  This child needed the love and stability of our home for now, and the long-term stability that his mother would provide for him.  And his mother needed a friend.    

The next 3 weeks would hold less tantrums, less referrals, more stickers on his chart and more push back from my family.  We were being stretched remember.

I have a strong-willed daughter, whose personality is as fierce and stubborn as a child who has endured the world's wrath.  And so, when he yells, she screams back at him.  When he stomps out of the room, she slams a door.  When he apologizes for his behavior, she mutters a mumbled "I-forgive-you-I-guess" and turns and walks away.  My son, on the other hand, is quick to forgive, and I am quick to point out that his gift of forgiveness is a blessing right now.

I have a friend pick him up from school one day; to survive this placement I must pull in my own support system.  Fortunately I have faithful friends that commit to having him for an afternoon or two while my family takes a breath.  While he is away I find that he has written to us via text message: 

"I love you.  Emma. Addi. Sam."

On his last night he hugs me with a hug that doesn't want to let go.  We pray for his new school, and praise God he can go back to his mama that loves him and needs him.  She and I will continue in relationship if I have anything to do with it.  Bare minimum, she will know that I will always be a listening ear for her.  

We are learning, as a family, that the simplest of things can be a gift to someone else.  An extra bed.  A car ride to school instead of a busy bus.  After-school snacks and homework, and enough extra time to run around a be a kid.  Friends that pick him up for a special afternoon.  A sticker chart.  Someone who stops to see him as a child of God, not as a troublemaker or a child wrought with behavioral issues due to too much instability.  

The growing pains my family endured are small in comparison to the blessing it has been to him.  Sometimes God asks us to serve others and it turns out to be a blessing for us.  And other times he asks us to serve so that we can be a blessing to someone else because ultimately, they need us more than we need them.

Right now, you have an opportunity to BE a blessing to these troubled kids that fall into our hands and our hearts by opening your home to a child in need.  Our placements are often times short, but life changing.  For more information on hosting or how you can volunteer with Safe Families, please email ejohnson@safefamilies.net