#WhyWeHost Reason #2: Because We Didn't Close Him Out

This host family story is special.  Rhonda and Stan Angermeier were one of the first families in Madison County to step forward and say "Yes" to the call of hosting children in their home.  I remember reading through their application, amazed at this families' story.  Early in their marriage, Rhonda and Stan decided to live below their means in order to allow space in their lives for God to use them… and has He ever used them!  Before becoming a host family, Rhonda and Stan adopted two sweet girls from China.  Their oldest daughter, Qiao, was adopted at age 4 with a diagnosis of retinoblastoma.  Much to their surprise, Qiao's eyesight deteriorated quickly and she went completely blind only 3 months after her adoption was final.  The heartache this family endured was steep, but it didn't stop them from continuing to allow God to use them and be a blessing to others.  

The Angermeier's were approved at rapid speed for a placement need that came in practically overnight.  They agreed to take in a baby for one month, but were prompted to serve two young boys instead.  After some thought, they agreed and this family became a place of peace and rest for two young boys that desperately needed it.  In their home,  they paid careful attention to the emotional needs of these boys and watched them blossom into sweet, playful children.  The space this family left in their life has been filled in ways that cannot be measured.

Stan, Allean, Rhonda & Qiao Angermeier

"Why did our family chose to be a host family?  There are so many answers to that question -- because both our daughters required some else to care for them for a time, because we understand how healthy experiences can help to heal the brain of traumatized children, because God had provided an extra room in our home…but, the main reason was because we felt God tug at our hearts and we didn't close Him out. We haven't always made that decision (the one to obey, to listen to the still small voice), but when we have, God has always blessed us.  We have learned to that to say no to God is to say no to an opportunity--an opportunity to know Him better, to learn His ways, to see His best.  Hosting two sweet little boys (even for a short time) has had an impact on us, and our children.  I've watched the prayer life of our daughters deepen as they pray for the real needs of another child.  Likewise, we have grown in our understanding and expectations of how God works.  God's call is never without a stretch, a little discomfort, but the rewards are always worth the light and momentary troubles."
--Rhonda and Stan Angermeier, Host Family

#WhyWeHost Reason #1: Because They Need Us More Than We Need Them

For each family that steps forward and says, "I want to do that.  What does it take to be a host family?"  There is usually a reason why.  The families that step up to serve others in this radical way, do what they do because God has broken their hearts.  We will be highlighting these 'reasons why' in the coming weeks.  My families' reason found us over two years ago, and since then we have allowed our home to be an open door to kids in need.  But sometimes hosting is hard.  

I read a story on a blog recently entitled, "The Child I Didn't Adopt".  It was about a boy who was a forgotten child of the foster care system.  It hit me in a spot where I can feel God trying to grow me.  It gave me compassion for those children that are particularly hard to love.

The little boy in the story mentioned above, Stephen was his name, resonated with me.  I have seen kids like him before -- they cry out for attention by being disrutptive to teachers and classmates, or maybe they throw a fit when things don't go their way.  Maybe Stephen was overly hyper, unsettled, angry and difficult.  

I resonated with his foster families too--maybe they were at a loss.  Maybe nothing was working.  Maybe they just didn't feel like he was theirs to keep.

I blubbered over this blog post because one like him was living in my home at the time.  Two weeks had come and gone with no other prospective host family, and it was becoming obvious that this child would be staying with us.  His unstable past had shown itself in all its colors.  Indignant anger lived right below his skin, and he would yell at us for the smallest of disturbances.  Tantrums in public and referral's from school were consistent--though improving.  He cried out for attention by being disruptive to his teachers and classmates.  He threw a fit when he didn't get his way.  He was overly hyper, unsettled, angry and difficult. And at the end of the day, he would pray for God to take all of his bad dreams away.

It's a stretch to love these lost boys.  All four members of my family were feeling the stretch that occurs when hosting a child whom you cannot call a blessing, while extending love and grace to his mother, whom you cannot call thankful.

Safe Families is unique in that the host family is able to build a relationship with the parent.  I was determined to build a relationship with his mother.  This child needed the love and stability of our home for now, and the long-term stability that his mother would provide for him.  And his mother needed a friend.    

The next 3 weeks would hold less tantrums, less referrals, more stickers on his chart and more push back from my family.  We were being stretched remember.

I have a strong-willed daughter, whose personality is as fierce and stubborn as a child who has endured the world's wrath.  And so, when he yells, she screams back at him.  When he stomps out of the room, she slams a door.  When he apologizes for his behavior, she mutters a mumbled "I-forgive-you-I-guess" and turns and walks away.  My son, on the other hand, is quick to forgive, and I am quick to point out that his gift of forgiveness is a blessing right now.

I have a friend pick him up from school one day; to survive this placement I must pull in my own support system.  Fortunately I have faithful friends that commit to having him for an afternoon or two while my family takes a breath.  While he is away I find that he has written to us via text message: 

"I love you.  Emma. Addi. Sam."

On his last night he hugs me with a hug that doesn't want to let go.  We pray for his new school, and praise God he can go back to his mama that loves him and needs him.  She and I will continue in relationship if I have anything to do with it.  Bare minimum, she will know that I will always be a listening ear for her.  

We are learning, as a family, that the simplest of things can be a gift to someone else.  An extra bed.  A car ride to school instead of a busy bus.  After-school snacks and homework, and enough extra time to run around a be a kid.  Friends that pick him up for a special afternoon.  A sticker chart.  Someone who stops to see him as a child of God, not as a troublemaker or a child wrought with behavioral issues due to too much instability.  

The growing pains my family endured are small in comparison to the blessing it has been to him.  Sometimes God asks us to serve others and it turns out to be a blessing for us.  And other times he asks us to serve so that we can be a blessing to someone else because ultimately, they need us more than we need them.

Right now, you have an opportunity to BE a blessing to these troubled kids that fall into our hands and our hearts by opening your home to a child in need.  Our placements are often times short, but life changing.  For more information on hosting or how you can volunteer with Safe Families, please email ejohnson@safefamilies.net

The Story of Safe Families in Madison County

Has your heart ever been torn to shreds after reading a tragic news story about a child who suffered because there weren’t enough people who cared?  Have you ever wished there was something you could do about it?

I’m going to tell you a story about how a tragic story broke our hearts in such a way that it would change our actions.

Quite a few years back, when my husband still had a desk job, he managed to pass the hours by keeping up on current news stories. My husband is a musician with a bit of a bleeding heart and many times he would come home and share a particularly difficult story that would cause us both to lower our eyes in despair because there was simply nothing to say. There was one article in particular about a boy named Robert whose story left a mark.

The story was tragic. Robert, 7, had been court mandated to have visitation with his mother, although his father had fought hard for full custody.  On one of his mandatory weekend visits, he was so severely beaten by his mother’s boyfriend that Robert died. My husband read about his kind disposition and how he was known to be a sweet child who always gave his teachers lots of hugs.  When I gazed at his 2nd grade picture, his innocent little face even reminded us of our own son.

This story broke my husband in a way I hadn’t seen before; it was the icing on the cake for him. We had struggled through quite a few other tragedies in our life, but for some reason this little boy did him in.  I could see the depression sink in as he struggled to reconcile the tragic reality of our world with his faith.

This little boy left a spot on our souls. His story left us with the feeling that living this life for the pursuit of the almighty dollar or even for just ourselves wasn’t enough.  Something in us changed.

A few years passed by.  During the summer of 2012 I offered to let my neighbor’s daughter come over to hang with us while her dad worked.  She liked our house so I let my neighbor know she was always welcome. Eventually the little girl started coming over with her cousin.  I could tell things weren’t very stable with the little girl’s cousin and she would say things like, “I think my house is a hotel…” I didn’t ask many questions, but let my neighbor know the girls were welcome anytime for as long as they needed to stay.

The girls would spend the night and stay whenever they needed.  My husband—remarkably—was ok with this. He was patient with these girls, loving and kind. We happened to be in the middle of a huge bathroom tear-out and the cousin became curious, following my husband around the house as he worked on completing our bathroom project.  I was blown away by his patience and willingness to allow her to help him.  He didn’t know what her life was like at home, why she was living in a hotel, or if she had a daddy or not.  But he showed kindness to the young strangers in our home that summer.

Little did we know that allowing a few neighbor girls to spend time with us was laying the foundation for something bigger to happen. We were being prepared for the moment when my neighbor's sister would call us because she was at the end of her rope and thought perhaps we could be of some help. We were being prepared for the moment God would call us to be a Safe Family so that we could provide a temporary home for the little girl (and her younger brother), who had been living in a hotel while their mother worked hard to get back on her feet. It was our opportunity to act, to do something about all those tragic news stories.

Right now, in Madison County, there are kids on the brink of abuse and neglect because their parents are in crisis.  Maybe they can't find work.  Maybe they were evicted.  Maybe there is no one they can depend on. 

Safe Families is unique in that the parent chooses to  place their children in the home of a “safe family.” Doing so gives the parent time to get back on their feet and in many cases deflects the need for the foster care system.  Safe Families is a movement of compassion that returns the church to the forefront of caring for the weak and the needy.  We are not funded through State, but through churches, grants and benevolent people. 

Consider how God may be promoting you to get involved--maybe you can volunteer your time as a host family, or maybe your talent as a professional, or maybe even your treasure.  Our family never would have guessed that two years later we would still be tightly bonded to the mother of the little girl we helped.  You can check out her story HERE.  You never know how your life might be changed when we choose to open our hearts, our homes and our resources to families that are in crisis.    

Emma Johnson
Safe Families for Children, Madison County
ejohnson@safefamilies.net
SFFC National: www.safe-families.org
SFFC Indiana: www.insafefamilies.org
SFFC Madison County Facebook